Thursday, March 6, 2014

The Monster

I am going to attempt to include illustrations in this post. I am what I kindly call "artfully challenged" so please bear with me.

Kindergarten. The first step towards becoming a successful, open minded, independent individual that every school hopes to create. I remember next to nothing about kindergarten. I remember my teacher, a kind lady who also happened to live in my neighborhood. I also remember numerous visits to the office accompanied by phone calls home and a note describing what offense I had committed that time.

One day while I was in kindergarten, a perfectly sunny and wonderful morning sure to be full of story time, recess, and the alphabet, was shattered by the presence of a substitute teacher. Upon entering the classroom my friend and I instantly noticed the sub.

We were shocked and confused. Who is this mystery woman??, we thought. She was clearly a threat. Everything about her screamed DANGER! DANGER!
When class began she introduced herself.

Clearly, a threat. She had to be more than what she appeared. She was a vicious, child-eating monster. She had disposed of out regularly scheduled teacher, and we were next. We had to do something. We were smart kids. She couldn't fool us. We could tie our shoes and count by twos, and spell and write our names almost perfectly. She had picked the wrong kindergartners to mess with. Throughout the morning my friend and I crafted a brilliant plan, one so evil that the sub would have no choice but to leave and never return.

Our master plan was to empty glue bottles onto tables in the classroom.
We did it during story time. We slinkily crawled, out of sight, over to a table and emptied the glue.

When we finished, we hid under the table. Because, of course, the table would shield us from the sub's eagle vision. It was a perfect plan. It couldn't fail. 

But the sub was no fool. She saw us empty the glue and then hide under the table. She had shattered the invisibility shield. 

But we were stubborn.

She gave us the evil eye, and we wilted. We were sent to the office and notes were sent home. Phone calls were made. My career as an elementary school trouble maker had begun

She never did come back. We achieved that much. 


  1. Cute story, Evan! Now we know where it all began! And I happen to think your artwork is fabulous. I could NEVER draw anything even half that good!

  2. Cool beans. The drawins aint half bad either

  3. LOL! Love your story! Just the right amount of scary/danger/ and comedy!
    And you are NOT artfully challenged at all! Great job! :0)

  4. LOL! Enjoyed your story and the cute drawings! I am looking forward to hearing more....thanks for sharing!

  5. Awesome story Evan! You are one talented story teller--and I think the illustrations are fabulous!